Notes from Sunday

First Gear

When you are exploring a relationship, beginning to get to know someone and you are in 1st gear. You will want to start slowly.

1.   Build a strong foundation

·      Consider the M word and the L word taboo! (they are not the focus early on… more likely to do more harm than good)

·      It’s normal to want to spend a lot of time with them… I wouldn’t if I were you.

·      You’ll want to reach out and touch someone… don’t!

·      Participate in-group type of settings…

·      Instead of ditching your friends (which happens all the time to the detriment of everybody) and your previous social life, invite them to participate in your world while you do the same in theirs.

 

2.   Make sure the DIRECTION of the relationship is headed in the right way.

 

·      You do this by making sure the things you are doing our honoring to God (a great prayer for you both to pray during this gear is Ps 25:4)

Ps 25:4

Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths…

 

·      Caution… where/when/what is very important

·      It’s dangerous to center your relationship on the party scene

·      Don’t go AWOL from your friends… now they see now they don’t!

In FIRST GEAR, you start slow, limiting your interaction. You don’t want your level of intimacy to RACE ahead of your level of commitment! You’re developing a FRIENDSHIP, directed by wise guidelines, all the while guarding your heart and the heart of the one you’re with.

 

Second Gear

If you can sense God blessing your new friendship, you may want to shift gears.

1.   In 2nd gear it is ok to spend a little more time with them. Not crazy amounts but more… finding a healthy balance… keep mentors in your life that can help you honestly guide you through these times.

·      Continue to guard your heart… Pro 3:5,6 … it takes time to hear and get God’s wise discernment!

·      Continue to Guard against romantic physical contact…

·      Your still not saying the M or L word.

 

2.   Focus your attention on…

·      Is this person becoming more like Christ?

·      Does this person have strong and growing character?

·      Does this person have the right kind of friends?

·      Is this person responsible… financially, relationally, emotionally, intellectually?

If the answer to any of these questions is NO, perhaps you should put the brakes on and continue to focus your relationship with God… your One.

DON’T expect to lure him or her onto your path!!!!!

Don’t deviate from the path you have chosen to follow with Christ… redirect the relationship not your life!

 

Great Q’s if yes…

·      Is our attraction increasing?

·      Are we helping each other grow closer to Christ rather than drawing each other away?

·      Do people I respect think highly of this person?

·      Do I believe God is blessing this relationship?

·      Are we growing in our understanding of one another?

·      Do we like what we se?

Third Gear

This is when you mutually agree to pursue the possibility of marriage… you can begin to use the M & L words. Your both seeking God and your enjoying each other more and more.

As the relationship gains some speed you should intentionally…

·      Seek advice from mentors together

·      Read books about marriage

·      Pray together

·      Get to know each other families

·      Open up about your life, your hurts, your dreams

·      Talk about your POSSIBLE future.

In the first two gears you guarded your heart – refraining from sharing verbally at too intimate a level. In 3rd gear your rightly beging to expose your heart and you will be tempted allow the physical part of you to take over and speed ahead… guard your purity!

·      If you haven’t already… in third gear you will begin to discover some of the baggage your possible Two may have and they of you… pay attention to BAGGAGE!!!

·      Don’t ignore the warning signs!

·      If you see something you think might be a problem, chances are it will be!

If you find baggage that concerns you, seek help. Get advice from godly people who are further down the path than you are. See a counselor a mentor… You might be able to work through the issues that stand between you or you might find it wiser to walk away.

If all is going well then it might be time to change into another gear…

REMEMBER… these are wisdom guidelines… not what is necessarily right or wrong but what is the wise thing for me to do based on my past experiences, present circumstances and my future hopes and dreams as it relates to this person!

Going All the Way is where I have gotten most of this week and last weeks resources.

Brek Cockrell

Author: Brek Cockrell

Share This Post On
468 ad

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>